A hallmark of our times is the prominence of very rich people in the public discourse. The pecking order of the Forbes or similar richest people lists – all dominated by men of course – should only be of interest to professionals like some financiers or maybe tax officials. However, they and their sometimes-outlandish views on subjects far outside their fields of expertise regularly make it into media headlines. It is curious to observe that we care so much about the opinion of such a very small group of people. Maybe because we think that their genius of creating and managing wealth (often inherited or extracted anyway) will somehow solve the complex economic and social problems of our times – which they couldn’t be a part of in the first place.

Often there is some awe in speaking about very rich people as if they possessed some magical qualities many of us aspire to or at least admire. Maybe it’s about fantasies imagining how to live with billions. Or it’s the regular feuds between very rich men, which lets them appear more human – rather than lizards, which a considerable amount of people seem to believe.

Way down in the sandy arena of everyday life, we then got money dysmorphia, “a skewed view of your financial reality, shaped by social comparison, financial trauma, or misinformation.” Comparison on social media is a big driver here, where people feel they are falling behind in terms of spending and consumption despite having all they need. At the same time, a comfortable majority of Americans say that having more money would solve most of their problems, or that that more money would make them happier. Maybe.

Research shows that there is a positive relation between bigger income and increased happiness. However, there are two big catches. First, the relationship seems to run the wrong way round. While for most people there is a positive relation between money and happiness. For people feeling unhappy, income beyond a certain point does not help, implying that emotional wellbeing is more fundamental to start with. Second, income and wealth distributions by their very nature are hierarchical: presumably only folks at the top defined by some arbitrary measure can feel happy about their position. Given how very top-heavy those distributions are, only a minority of people could make that cut.

The same logic applies to everything else which people think as reasons for pride, and presumably happiness, like status or looks, but which is based on the exclusion of others. For all of them, we divide people into a lucky few winners and a rest of losers. On top of it, “maxxing” whatever shit in social media lingo is just very tiring even if you win. And then it’s a constant battle – a great recipe for life satisfaction!

But is there something magical non-rival? I.e. something where everybody can have more of and we would all be better off without exhausting ourselves?

Yes, and it’s surprisingly simple: human connections.

I don’t mean the number of connections or followers you have on Instagram or LinkedIn. I mean the number of real, deep, and meaningful connections you have to other people. These can of course be varied, like the friend to whom you can confess to murder, the spouse who supports you in good and in bad times, the partner with whom to explore BDSM dungeons, or the support network which is there for you when you need help. The list goes on.

Importantly, these relationships are voluntary and mutual. You are there for others as they are for you. And in most cases, that’s not an obligation but fun anyway, because we form our bonds with people we genuinely like and with whom we cherish exploring the world together.

While some relationships will hurt us or be challenging over time, more human connections will be better for most people and most of the time. Not having spent enough time with friend is one of the biggest regrets of the dying. I would argue that other such regrets, like not having expressed feelings enough, not having been true to oneself, having worked too much, or not having let oneself to be happy, can all be linked to not having taken human connections seriously enough.

Furthermore, an abundance of research [1, 2, 3, 4] shows that connecting to others improves all sorts of physical and psychological well-being metrics. People with quality connections to others live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

The reason is quite simple. Humans are social animals and we are wired to connect to others. We just too easily forget about this in modern, competitive, and individualistic societies. Nothing against technology or competition, but sometimes, especially away from work (though ideally there too), we should take the time to deeply engage with others: experience things together, or care for each other. Time being our scarcest resource, we often forget this.

On numbers, quality trumps quantity. While Dunbar’s number may but the upper bound on the number of stable social connections we can maintain with some attention to detail, a handful of deep and mutually caring relationships will do perfectly fine. For some that’s two, for others five, and beyond ten it may get hard to maintain.

Investing in human connections increases our “social wealth”. This should also address some of our very contemporary societal problems, like the loneliness epidemic, which Justin Garcia correctly describes as a crisis of intimacy, or emotional closeness to others. Prioritising true social connections should also address the recent disappearance of the U-shape of happiness. While young & old people tended to be happier across time and places then stressed out middle-aged folks (the “U”), the mental health of the young has recently deteriorated markedly, supposedly driven by social media consumption and the comparisons discussed above.

I would even go so far as to say that a happier populus supported by a strong social fabric of dense micro connections, not necessarily by close geographic proximity, would be more resilient to the challenges of our times, like political polarisation, and the management of existential transitions like to a hotter global climate and the economic and social impact of artificial intelligence. On the one hand, we would have better support networks for each of us, and on the other, we could develop more empathy for the “other side” in each conflict or outcome.

Finally, what about the very rich people with whom we started off? I believe (not wishing for them) that many of them are quite poor in terms of social wealth because of the priorities they set for themselves in life and the circles of “friends” they have. So, there is no need to look up in envy or awe. Instead, look around and start creating wealth with the people around you. It’s egalitarian. Everybody can be rich.